I don't know what to feel right now. And I don't know how to explain it. I normally don't cook and eat dinner at 11:30pm, but today I did. I sat down and skimmed through Foxtel, and watched the video clip to Coldplay's song
'Paradise'. I know it's an old tune by now. I remember always skipping the channel when MTV played it because it really was not my thing. The genre 'type' speaking. Anyways, I gave it a listen, and I don't know. The first two lines really hit me. As I sat there eating chicken I marinated in soy sauce and sweet chilli which I cooked only a few minutes earlier. I hear...
When she was just a girl, she expected the world.
And I thought of my life. I thought of the time when I thought everything was possible. When I was 4 and I would wear my princess dress, parading around the house holding my barbies. I would tell my mum everyday that I'd be a princess. I remembered the time when I was 9 and I watched the life version of Peter Pan. That night I dreamt of flying with him and Wendy in the clouds dodging the canon balls Captain Hook. The next morning I told my mum I wanted to become an author, and that same day I attempted to write a book. I only managed 3 pages on Microsoft Word. I told myself I would continue it the next day, but of course. I didn't.
"As she got further away from me, Justin got closer. I could see he was smiling, like he was too nervous to do anything else. I guessed he just hoped for the best. He finally stopped walking. He stood right in front of me, his eyes trying to catch my attention.
“So...” he asked. “Are you going to prom?”
His eyes were shinning like Benji when he was a puppy. He looked so hopeful, like the answer 'yes' was the only available option.
“Uhmm” I hesitated. “I guess I am. No one has asked me yet, so I guess I’ll just hang.”
(I had to include my answer to what would probably be his next question).
The conversation was stabbing violently on the inside of my stomach. I didn't know if it was a ‘how do I put this’ or a ‘about bloddy time he asks me - smile’ situation. I looked down at my toes in attempt to avoid our eyes meeting.
“Uhmm, well. Venus?” He asked.
“Yes?”
“I know you and my sister have been best friends forever, and we have know each other for ages. I’ve been meaning to ask you this for ages, but.."
Okay. Yes I tweeked the wording around so of course it doesn't sound like the pish posh a nine year old girl is expected to write. but the whole idea was the same. My whole life I have been watching movies/ television shows and reading novels all with the same idea. The same basis. That all things will be peachy and have a happily ever after ending. She wins the guy of her dreams that no other girl has ever managed to get. She has the perfect future, the perfect job, and even though there is conflict, everything just ends up happy and perfect and peachy. Reading that extract I can tell you I was going to go for the exact same ending if I continued writing. But I know that in reality, that isn't real. My story so far has not been anything I have ever seen or read or watched in a movie or a book. And yes, when I was just a girl. I expected the world. Now I run away in my sleep, and dream of a paradise. A fairytale where I bump into a boy, or I drop my books, and my Prince Charming just so happens to help me pick them up. Where I am in Paris sipping my Chai Latte and reading fashion magazines in a small cafe with the Eifel Tower in view.Where I am a doctor saving peoples lives and travelling overseas doing charity work. Every dream seems possible when you are a child. That was my paridise.
I am off to dream a paridise now
Happy 12:58AM to everyone
xoxo Gossip Girl
